To be pleasant, gentle, calm and self-possessed: this is the basis of good taste and charm in a woman. No matter how amorous or passionate you may be, as long as you are straightforward and refrain from causing others embarrassment, no one will mind. But women who are too vain and act pretentiously, to the extent that they make others feel uncomfortable, will themselves become the object of attention; and once that happens, people will find fault with whatever they say or do; whether it be how they enter a room, how they sit down, how they stand up or how they take their leave. Those who end up contradicting themselves and those who disparage their companions are also carefully watched and listened to all the more. As long as you are free from such faults, people will surely refrain from listening to tittle-tattle and will want to show you sympathy, if only for the sake of politeness. I am of the opinion that when you intentionally cause hurt to another, or indeed if you do ill through mere thoughtless behavior, you fully deserve to be censured in public. Some people are so good-natured that they can still care for those who despise them, but I myself find it very difficult. Did the Buddha himself in all his compassion ever preach that one should simply ignore those who slander the Three Treasures? How in this sullied world of ours can those who are hard done by be expected to reciprocate in kind? . Murasaki Shikibu
About This Quote

Explaining the meaning of this quote, one should say that in order to be pleasant, gentle, calm and self-possessed there are several things to keep in mind. First, do not hurt others by doing wrong things. Secondly, do not hurt yourself by acting like a fool. Thirdly, do not hurt your reputation and status by misguiding and misleading others.

Fourthly, do not hurt others intentionally and do no ill through mere thoughtless behavior. The Buddha said: "One who intentionally hurts another person is the same as one who uses a knife to kill oneself; he is the same as one who would cause another person to commit suicide."

Source: The Diary Of Lady Murasaki

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